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Stock and Photography  70 icons can be found Here @ ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} bella_solBELLA.SOL IS SEARCHING FOR NEW MAKERS! With over eleven thousand members, there's a gurantee you'll receive a fair amount of comments and/or views. If you are interested in becoming a maker, please go here. | ||||
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March 17th, 2010
March 14th, 2010
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| I went over to my friend's house the other day and was struck by how harmonious her family is. Four kids, all the best of friends, with parents who are still totally in love. It actually added to my conviction not to have kids--because I've never seen a family that gets along that way. Such a rare thing that hoping for that with my own kids would be like hoping for the lottery. Plus their oldest daughter just had a baby and even in trying to be polite I have NO idea what to do with him. Everyone else is fighting for the chance to hold him and I'm like....'uh....what if I break it?!?' I can coo over animals but babies don't draw any more interest in me than a blank wall would. Some even gross me out. | ||||
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March 12th, 2010
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Stock and Photography  97 icons can be found Here @ bella_sol | ||||
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March 11th, 2010
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| I never wanted kids, still don't. The boyfriend that I've been with for almost a year now....well, if he decides he wants a kid/kids, we've agreed he can find a surrogate and have one that way. Me be a 'parent figure'? No, not at all. I might teach it stuff once it gets to that certain stage where it wants to learn cool stuff....give me a chance to pass on some knowledge to another human being, but that's about it. Reason why have been so many in my head. The big ones are the fact I don't really like the bulk of kids, I don't want responsibility like that, and really, my instincts of the maternal type have always leaned towards animals. Human get are not cute in my eyes, and most are annoying. That said, I wouldn't mind helping out older teens, and would love get programs going that help some in rougher neighborhoods steer away from dog fighting and more towards responsible ownership and normal dog competitions. But to the confession and confusion. Last year, I slipped up, bad, and went through the nightmare that we all dread. Ended up pregnant by contraception failing. And I blame myself. And at the time, and for a long time after, neither my boyfriend or I had jobs, and no money for an abortion. Also, our families wouldn't help, and our friends couldn't, and I felt like I had no place to turn. We did try looking into many things, but they all ended up being dead ends. Lots of stuff happened, lots of bad stuff. Looking back, I don't know how I survived, I was suicidal for many reasons(it didn't help that I kinda got kicked out of the apartment I was at and ended up living with people who...well, one didn't believe in abortion at all). And when our time limit to get one expired, well.... there was only one option, and that was adoption. Both of our families wanted it, but like hell that was going to happen. They're still mad at us. I don't know how to feel. I know how I do feel though. I am disgusted and disappointed in myself. Disappointed in how this country, religion dictates law more than it should. I feel like how some women feel about getting an abortion I guess. I cringe, I flinch, I want to cry. The only peace I get is that I do consider it a good deed. A sickening one, but a good one. I feel betrayed by myself, friends, and family. By my mom especially who sat there and said the only way she would've helped me is if I had been raped, even though she knew how I felt. No one should ever be forced to go through or be left without options like I did, no one. And I am confessing here, because I feel like I need to. I feel like I can't post at the hardcore version any more because of their rules, and I just.....don't know how to feel. I guess I'm scared that this has tainted me from being child free. Even more so as I left things open so the get can find us when it turns 18. So this is my confusion....what am I? Does it matter? Should I just remove myself from all m beloved cf groups because of this? And if this doesn't belong, feel free to remove it. ~Sighs~ | ||||||
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March 8th, 2010
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| Elona in a cupcake dress <3. ( Cutes ) | ||||||||
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March 8th, 2010
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| My pretty, pretty Soonyyyyy. <3 ( Pretty below the cut. ) | ||||||||
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March 6th, 2010
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| One of the most unfortunate myths about child raising is the supposition that having a baby can magically salvage a troubled marriage. The Onion provides a harshly realistic perspective. | ||||||
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